I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
