I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
