Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
either way he was missing a nipple.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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