Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize