Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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