I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i used baking grease as lip gloss
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
