Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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