The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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