I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
