Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
