Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
