i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
