I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
