In the future we'll all be gay
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize