I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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