everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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