a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
