remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
