I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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