Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize