can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
