If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
