who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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