Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
