were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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