Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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