I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
