nut hugger
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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