We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
