my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
