On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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