my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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