just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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