guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
