pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
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