he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
