I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
