Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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