i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
