I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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