Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize