He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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