even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
