Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
