You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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