What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
