I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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