I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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