Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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