She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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