dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
