lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
