i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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