Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
