I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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