So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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