i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
