That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
