You work out of a Hotel?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
