still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
