A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
