Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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