You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
