i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
where does the pee come out of this thing
I understand Curling. That high.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Floor bacon is actually really good
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
