We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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