If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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