last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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