so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
