You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize