she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
