i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I am available for nakedness
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
