Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
