I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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