For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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