Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
