So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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