this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
