my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
