i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize