also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
