oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
