OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You need Xanax blowdarts
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
