he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
