it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize