dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
