god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
