We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
