i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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