false alarm. still invincible.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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