So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
