I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i came on her dog
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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