Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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