Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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