Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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