I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
